Life Comes At You Fast – Make The Best Of What Cards You Are Dealt

During the past four weeks I learned my wife’s mother Jean was very ill, hospitalized and deteriorating rapidly. About that same time frame my brother’s mother-in-law, Ada, was very ill and had a dire prognoses of her own. My wife flew not once but twice to Toledo to try to help her sister with their mother. Then I flew to Toledo to offer my own assistance and was prepared for the worst when I arrived, including a funeral before we left Ohio.

My brother quipped to me recently that life comes at you fast. Personally, I have always had a need to be in control and to be faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, bend steel in my bare hands, and, eat ice cream every night, even when traveling.

During the days after Jean was admitted to the Toledo Hospital on July 4th, Ada got her second wind. But Jean continued to get worse. Then suddenly Jean began a journey that even her physicians commented was remarkable. We all thought if she did manage to live her next residence would be an assisted living facility or skilled nursing home. Instead, she was “stepped down” to a cardiac ward and about a week ago she was moved into a rehab facility within the hospital. I have learned that this Friday she may be going, of all places, back home to her own apartment. And Ada? As Jean has improved, Ada has shown signs of becoming weaker and more frail. Her journey has taken a turn for the worse, basically about the same time Jean was making unprecedented progress. How do these things happen. Who is directing traffic?

The time I spent in the Toledo Hospital brought back some of the dark and shuttered memories of my own mother’s illness and death some 48+ years ago. My brother and I have both been working hard to help our respective spouses and their immediate families cope with the care giving that has been needed and we both had to prepare for the worst as every day has not only been a blessing but a curse as neither of us knew when “the end” would come for either Jean or Ada.

A lot has been written about parents taking care of their children and then children taking care of their parents. Some of us are in what is called the “Sandwich Generation” with both children and parents that need our help, guidance, assistance, and more. This is not new unless it is new to you. Nothing that any medical practitioner or religious leader can say to you can bring you any comfort when you find yourself facing the fact you may have to help someone you love make life or death decisions, something the legal and medical folks call Advanced Directives.

And the beat goes on…..and the beat goes….